The Flow

This isn't about going with the flow...as such, I guess indirectly it is, but I'm talking about my flow. My aunt Flo, my period, my rag...I don't really like "Aunt Flo" as a euphemism for my menstrual cycle, my aunts are all delightful and when they visit they bring Finnish doughnuts. This Aunt Flo (while I've accepted it as an intricate cycle of life) is like a flaky, emotional eating bitch. This bitch came as I was on the treadmill, luckily she gave me war-vision for the task at hand. After the gym - as session that was cut short due to cramping and lightness of head - I had already intended to stop at the grocery store to get bananas and peaches. This grocery store didn't have peaches, they had nectarines. This pissed us - flo and I - off; in retaliation we bought M&M cookies, crackers, chips, a jumbo chocolate bar and some buffalo mozzarella. Flo is like that free-loading friend who you know is coming and you're determined to stand your ground and say:

 "hey, we've cut down on refined sugar and trans fats, and champagne during the week, let's just stick to the bananas and the apples (that you replaced the peaches with)!" It's like she didn't even hear me.

It was more like: "oh hey gurl, can you get some snacks? I don't have any money to spot you, but like I'll get you back later - I'm good for it. Oooooh get something sweet, and salty, but make sure it' creamy and crispy too."

Never does Ms. Flo provide you reason or good judgement, she's all fire and water. Which I'm not bashing, but like...really? I just consumed a whole bag of chips, and I just ate 2 large M&M cookies, with full intention of eating crackers and cheese, paired with a sparkling Rosé with full intentions of watching a show I know I'll weep my way through until I fall asleep. 


Thank God my gorgeous man is working tonight, because this shit isn't pretty, its horrifying and resembles some kind of mania. I'm like a bleeding Tasmanian devil of ravenous hunger, tears, and ultimate regret for eating all this crap. I have no self control, I am a hedonist at heart. And Ms Flo is the fairy godmother of gluttony and sloth. ---->


But in terms of going with the flow, like actually just embracing what this moody diva teaches, is that it's extremely needed for me to do this - i.e. nothing - and retreat from the world (you know in a logical daily needs kind of way). Without getting into any details, personal and otherwise, I'm doing that. I'm increasingly annoyed at everything so, sugar is taking some time to flip off the world and chill out in my coocoon and have frequent romantic dinners with boyfriend, and to go to the gym to get those skinny rich girl arms and a thigh gap, and I guess meditate and talk to dolphins and whales, or whatever. 

FRIDAY

This probably won't be a regular thing, as consistency has never been my strong point. But if this does happen again, it will be on a Friday.

5 Topics / 5 Things

Favourite Crystals (right now):
1. Moonstone
2. Tektite (Black, Golden, Moldavite)
3. Natural Quartz Points
4. Vivianite
5. Black Tourmaline

Favourite jams from the past week  (The music, not the spread): 

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Things I've been thinking about this week: 

1. Tie-dye + socks

2. making alter art

3. Lack of clean laundry

4. Magick/Energy-work/Honduras 

5. Asking myself if I'm reading too many books at the same time?

What I'm going to do this weekend:

1. Go to the gym

2. eat a lot of spicy food

3. clean

4. Assume the guise of a laundry deity

5. Read/relax/chill/drink in moderation

Morning routine:

1. drink a full glass of water/make tea

2. acknowledge and feed my "alter"

3. meditate 

4. get cold to have a warm shower

5. dry hair/dress/turn heater off.

Crystals n' Shit : 1

I'm kind of a slut when it comes to crystals, or an addict. I'm a slutty-addict for crystals AND minerals. Just so you know that it's not some kind of cutesy street name for crystal-meth. I'm definitely not keen on crystal-meth. I think Breaking Bad sort of glamorised meth habits...I mean yeah, TV and all.

I'm a crystal slut --------->

I don't think I've ever passed a shop that sells crystals and was like "yeah, I'll check this back later". Only when the store has been locked and the lights are off, but I'm still at the window for a good while figuring out a way that I could "accidentally" get into the store ( I have yet to find a way where I'm not in some kind of legal trouble). If I'm out shopping with boyfriend and he knows a crystal shop is on the agenda, he knows he'll be at a nearby pub for at least 2 hours. It makes it super easy for gifts too, as I'm a whore for more.

I used to work in a crystal and mineral store; it catered to a wider "new age" and Pagan customer base as well, but crystals were the thing. I wouldn't every say I'm a crystal expert, as the sciencey bit I'm more or less vague about, but the metaphysical aspect, I'm no novice. Basically, I know how to talk to people about crystals, I can easily help someone when it comes to starting out with crystals, what to look for, what to watch-out for, etc. I doubt I'd ever venture into the realm of crystal healing for others (quite frankly, I have no interest in healing others or coaching) I've played with the idea, but honestly, when it comes down to it - this sounds bad - but I just don't care. That said, I enjoy listening to others and what they have to say, and I don't mind, at all passing any info I've gathered to others who might be seeking.

I like making mandalas or grids with crystals, and I really enjoy reading about how others do them...that video of that kid who makes crystal grids was really awesome. It's really fun learning about how others weave crystal energies for healing or abundance or whatever. Especially kids, I'm not necessarily a kid person, but it's always valuable and kinda cute to hear what they have to say about these shiny pointy things. You want simplification talk to a kid.

<-------This is something like how my Saturday mornings start off like :3

When shopping, because mines and stuff are kind of far for me to get to, and I don't drive, I'm both open to going anywhere for crystals and a giant snob. Maybe it's because I worked for a crystal shop, that was in my opinion, and experience the (mutha-fuckin) best shop I've seen. There are a few on line retailers that have found room in my heart as well (shout out The Moon Spirit and The Sage Goddess!), but as for live beings- The Crystal Dawn, in my home and native land - is by far one of the best physical shops. The staff - especially when I was working there - were amazing. They still are! Since I've been to a few road side stands, out-door markets, and some horrid travesty shops, where every stone someone picked up was "the highest vibration". As soon as you tell me something is "the highest vibration" or "the most powerful" red flags jump up saying: buzz words!!! I'm not saying it's the crystals fault, but people who make money in the new age and pagan circuit...it's their fault. Granted, there are a lot of crystals with "exceedingly high vibrations" for a large majority of people, there are people out there (me, for one) who feel nothing. Where that crystal is a hunk of space debris or a chunk of fallen mountain side nothing. The high vibration bit, is - for me- part marketing ploy and part legit descriptor of what you can expect based on a small margin of other's experiences.

Like my last post, this is your journey, if you feel blown away by a readily available rose quartz and your heart chakra explodes that is real "high vibration" shit to me. That's what really counts how you connect. It so doesn't have to be a piece of Moldavite or Ajote in Quartz.  That said, knowing how you connect to crystals can take time. Sometimes you feel super on it, and you connect with a crystal like a volcano erupting, other times, it's a pretty rock in your hand. It can be discouraging especially when it was so good the time before!

It has taken me a really long time to suss out how I do things when compared to how a book or someone might explain how to feel crystal energy or whatever. I can help you pick a crystal, but I wouldn't venture into telling you how to work with it, that's your journey, and  there are tons of books on how to, also I'm just not a teacher. Actually, art school helped me do a lot of what I do now; I had a drawing teacher that said: "we're just teaching you a way of how to create an image, after you graduate, or now, I don't care, forget the rules, just do it your own way".

Spiritual / Meme's and Enlightenment Check Lists

Yesterday I was ready to do a post about my snobbery of crystal/new age/ Pagan shops, but after feeling like I'm being inundated with "how to tell if your an old soul/empath/indigo child/fire hydrant on my facebook/twitter/google+ etc, this is new new bee in my bonnet!

I'll be blunt: I fucking hate those things.


Like....I. Fucking. Hate. Those. Things. 


How I feel about those lists -------------->


Every time I read them - unless they are done tongue n' cheek - they are the equivalent of the colour egg-shell white, painted in new homes. Those lists apply to everyone at any point in their lives. They don't make you a special fucking flower - because we're all special fucking flowers! 

This is just me, but, I think lists and meme like that create more barriers than they do bring people together and reach for the collective oneness that we all are. When you make a list like that, that speak to most, if not all people at some point in their lives, you're putting labels and levels, like in video game that have no baring on someone else's path to enlightenment. Your path, and someone else's path are the same; but you don't get there in the same way. None of these lists or memes- allegedly illustrating character traits- indicate that these lists apply to everyone. There isn't one special crop of people this shit applies to, we're all going the way we're supposed to go, I don't need to know that someone else is going through the same thing as me. It is not some unique birthright allotted to you, and you alone, it's everyone's birthright. That "birthright" is the right and privilege to experience and express your life, the way you fucking want to. The list of character traits are - to me- utter crap. The amount of time these trite lists are shared on my facebook feed lead me to drink, and frankly make me just want to watch a whole shit load of reality TV to just disassociate from the whole New Age/Pagan/Spiritual community.

Spiritual expression is not a list of shit you can tick off to see how far you've come, spiritual expression and your spiritual journey, or just your life, regardless of spirituality, is not quantifiable like that, because you'll no doubt repeat patterns, go through periods of shadow and questioning why you even bother; you'll also go through periods and moods where everything is in alignment and everything feels or looks like tingly-glitter-kaleidoscope-fun-times. No list, and nobody can tell you where you are on your path. You'll for sure have guides and friendly faces along the way to give input, but they are just one voice, you are the soul doer and shaker of your reality. These fucking lists -to me- are dumb. They make me angry, and they make me think that your life's journey can be summed up in a neat little list of what needs to be done and if "you're there yet" -which, as I keep saying really pisses me off. It's patronising and it's bullshit. Do your thing, that's my wish for everyone. What that thing is, frankly, I don't care, but I wish you well.

I think the long and the short of it is, these memes and lists telling you where to find so-called enlightenment are hugely limiting. And maybe it's because I'm not particularly into motivating others, or into that community of "we're all one" and "self love", I just do or I don't. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm not, but mostly, I just ride the wave and deal.

That's me, riding the wave...and dealing, (obviously I'm not Rhianna)--->

Weekend Adventure Time!

My fella and I have just spent a few days looking after the dog of some friends of his. First off, Penny (the pooch) is super smart and clever, really playful and cuddly. Second, Justin and I found out we're as ready for a pet as we thought...despite the fact that Penny-pants is really really good natured. When I would walk Penny, it would never occur to me to bring a bag - you guessed it - I the jerk who doesn't pick up after their dog. My defence: Penny is not my dog, and I've always had cats, cats relieve themselves in a box. So my "solution" is to have Penny-pants poo, then we go for a brisk jog, not looking back, and not returning the same way. The karma of this story is, Penny likes to eat poo, other dog's poo - then she goes in for a kiss - sorry babe, I saw you consume another animal's fecal matter, you just ended joyful puppy kisses, but I'll settle for hours of playing fetch and a tub full of hand sanitizer.

My week leading up to the weekend and the weekend itself was much more eventful and lively than it normally is - which is really good. I'm a creature of habbit, but I welcome the mix from time to time. This weekend I did a metal jewellery workshop! It was really fun; any time I work with my hands I'm at my most confident. Putting together furniture, or sewing a dress, and apparently using a torch come very easily to me. Speaking and conseptualizing shit in a "logical" day-to-day sense is actually really difficult and I get really easily frustrated.

Out of that day workshop I made two rings, one copper and one silver. I really like process oriented work. You can't easily see, and because it was my first attempt at stamping metal, I got the placement of the letters a bit wrong...but you know, live and learn. The silver ring says "M A G I C K" on the out side where you can see it, on the inside of the ring it reads: "S P E L L". I thought about putting my mine and Justin's initials, but then I puked a little in my mouth. I oxidized both rings a little bit as well, I still wanted the lusture of the silver to come through but I wanted the hammering and the lettering to pop out a little bit. Same with the copper ring, I embossed it with a leaf, copper will oxidize anyway, so it was just an experiment - for now it's still bronzey and shiny. They look nice on their own or stacked.

While we were dog sitting, we were staying at the home of Justin's friend which is in Newtown; Newtown is a really artsy area, you don't really see any boxed stores like you would in the Eastern Suburbs or in the CBD - which I really like. There are tons of really yummy places to eat (actually, that's all of Sydney, but Newtown in-particular, Thai and Pho). That said, I find Newtown to be really really oppressive, energetically speaking. I couldn't live there. It's really insular, and while there are parks, there is this weird sticky energetic film over Newtown. This sounds totally freakish, and I often feel like a bad person because of it, but I get physically ill and really upset when I'm around - what I call - intense drug use/drug abuse. Honestly, I don't care what others do, it's really that person's choice, so, far be it from me to dictate what someone else does...but I really don't enjoy feeling like blowing chunks when I walk by people or buildings that weird me out. But that's what a lot of Newtown feels like to me: vomit and crying. Obviously not all of Newtown (the place we were staying in was super cozy and safe feeling), but there are certain areas and pubs I feel really uncomfortable in. Also, while I was there it seemed everyone was "on" all the time, so many people were peacocking-looking for attention it was kind of exhausting. I'm a beach babe: I honestly didn't appreciate how renewing living by the wild ocean is. Sure OK, "wild ocean" I live in the 'burbs, but I can look out from my home in one direction and see nothing for miles - though lately I see whales tipping up for some air (bragging). What I'm really saying is: people who live by the beach are SO CHILL!









Dis ma 'hood --------------------------->









I went crystal shopping which is something I don't get to do as often as I'd like/used to do. I might rant on crystal shops/new age shops later, because that is kind of a doozey, and I don't want to say that I'm an expert, buuut I kind of am - when it comes to expectations of 1) customer service in new age shops and 2) product knowledge 3) communicating to the customer based on their needs. It just gets up my back, I've worked for the best, in my opinion when it comes to crystal retailers and new age/pagan goods.

Friends Helping Friends Helping Friends

A while back one of my oldest friends fell and she didn't think she hurt herself that badly - turns out she did! She hurt herself really badly, and because of her then weight, the doctors didn't really think it was bad as it was...LONG story short, she's not been able to work in I think nearly 3 years, she couldn't get employment insurance because her former employment refused to acknowledge that her injury was the cause of her not being able to work. 

She's quite fortunate, in that she has a great boyfr...I mean husband (I've known my friend - Steph since we were 11 and 12, and her husband - still weird to say - since he we were 14 or 15; they were the friends that when they FINALLY got together everyone said "fucking finally!") ------------------------------------------------>

who can support most of their day - to - day things - sugar still wants to contribute. Unlike me, she likes having a job and not being a trophy wife (ugh the dream!) . Alas, the job market in Canada blows dangley goat balls, and she's been out of luck - even finding a job as a grocery cashier! I think if you've been out of consistent work for any length of time and just sort of floating, it can be really daunting, demoralizing, and depressing. I know all too well how she feels. 

What breaks my heart - which she didn't mention in her campaign is that on her wedding day, she was really doped up on pain medication for her back, and she didn't feel beautiful in her wedding dress (she did look beautiful, but if you don't feel it, what others say means jack shit). On her wedding day she was doped up on pain meds, but still felt the pain, and still felt like shit. ON HER DAY. OK...their day, but really no one looks at the groom. Sorry dudes, when you've seen one tux, you've seen them all. A good suit is a good suit, no denying that (Hello, Valentino...), but like that cheesey Moore's commercial said, everyone looks at the bride, but the bride will be looking at you ("you" being the groom they are marketing the add to...) Anyway, she's starting to gain mobility, which is amazing. She's been doing yoga classes where the instructor is very conscious of her limitations, and helps her move past them. If you read her go-fund me story, you'll see that she attends a donation based yoga class about twice a week. Ideally, because, she can now do a downward facing dog (YAY, considering 2 months ago she couldn't bend over to pick up something she dropped on the floor!) she'd like to be able to attend everyday - or any-time she wants to. 

Her manfriend/husband helps her as much as possible, but this is part of her journey and she wants to be an active FUNDING member of that journey. I think it's easy for me to be like "I'll do what I can to help" if you've read my other posts you'll know that sugar doesn't rake in the cash, like leaves from a tree, but, sometimes it really helps to be careless with your money. 

Anyway, she's decided to initiate a tidal wave of abundance with a Go-Fund Me campaign, you can find that info, and if you are so inclined to help a stranger, or a friend ( if I know you, and you mysteriously found my blog...) you can donate here: Help my friend, Steph

The Good Soap

I may be cash-shy a lot of the time, but I usually make an effort to have or get nice things when I can. No polyester for this Queen; we're talking silks, linen, cotton, etc (OK, a poly-blend will grace my form, but typically I hold out for the good shit). The same applies to my bod; I'm also pretty conscious about what I buy too (i.e. attempt to be up on products that green-wash, use unsustainable palm oil etc)...

Anyway, this morning I noticed that my really nice body scrub/soap that my boyfriend bought for me is almost empty. I should stress that I haven't really used it, as it's so special and so pretty that I use it when I want to feel special.




Can I just take a moment to fully explain how luxurious this soap is? OK, so, its from Aesop - which, yes I know has unsustainable palm oil, so I shouldn't care THAT much, but I do, hypocrite, but whatever, I'm a vegan who still eats cheese. Anyway, it smells like geranium, has ground up quartz and apricot seeds to polish the skin - aside from the images of sad orangutans that sometimes flash in my head, this stuff is heaven (I'm really hoping, by now Aesop has switched to using sustainable palm oil). I've painted a pretty shitty picture of how nice this stuff is, but this is the world we live in. 

It's not like he doesn't have his own soap, or the "communal" everyday soap, which are both really nice to begin with, but he uses my $30 250ml scrubby-soap. I buy him Lush goddamnit to deter his handsome well shaped rear-end from using my expensive shit, that clearly he's purchased for himself. He hasn't gifted me shit, he's grifted me. 

His reason: "it's just the closest one, and I don't have time to decide what soap to use" 

YEAH. 

A Little Rant

I say "a little rant" as if somehow it will make it less annoying, somehow. No one likes to complain, but it's really normal and healthy if you do. It's just fucking annoying to hear it from someone or the same someone (me) all the time.

Really, I have nothing to complain about. By and large, I'm extremely fortunate. I've travelled a good deal, I've never (except for a brief stint in uni, but that hardly counts) wondered when I'm going to eat next, I went to university, and art school, and yet I experience hardship. Granted it's guilty Western white girl hardship, but still, it's hard and and feels...like a ship...(I had no where to go on that one).

I often tell people "oh yeah Australia is great" "oh it's just hard finding job, 'cause of my visa" "oh there is just a lot of competition, Sydney is HUGE". Sometimes you just have to sit back and sort of deal with the fact that your life isn't always for your making- no matter how many new age books or manifestation mantras you read tell you it is. Life is

a force of nature, and frankly, it's a bit Polyanna to think that "you've got this" 100% of the time. Positive thinking and "looking on the bright side" truly are wonderful concepts, but they are not real ways of dealing with a shitty hand. What is real, is that sometimes you just have sit in the bullshit, because, you don't make enough money at a job that makes you hate life. It's not like I haven't tried look at the positives (of which, there are many) or tried to look for another job; I've been looking for a job for...I've lost track of how long and it's exhausting, mentally, emotionally and physically. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but the trick is, I wanted it to be; typically what I want and what actually happens rarely line up. Luckily I'm not an over achiever, and I've never really given a shit about impressing anyone (and somehow I expect things to run in my favour?), so I've always coasted by and sometimes things do go my way.

I'm in a city that loves over achievers and lots of flash, and my understated, don't-really-care nature clash when looking for a job where I need to go beyond what I'm actually reasonably capable of to impress others. I've always had trouble "faking it till I make it" because it's exhausting. I don't - as a rule - kissed up to anyone,  if I don't like you I don't waste my time; faking has never been my style and it's really see through when I attempt to take it on, I come off like a creepy hand puppet. The only thing I can promise an employer is that I do my absolute best, I'm there to work and do the task at hand, not make trouble and generally, be my nice, friendly, albeit shy-self.

I'm not afraid of hard work and I am a hard worker, but there is hard work and then there is bullshit work. The two can over lap, but they are certainly not the same thing. The only thing that is actually difficult about my current job situation is that I actually experience work place bullying. Not (always) by my employer, but from clients with egos made of sugar glass. I contradicted them twice, and since I've been the target of veiled threats against my job, and straight-up name calling. And frankly, the kind of employer that I have, I don't and won't get support that is required when you have groups of people being jerks.

On a spiritual level, I've let go of looking for a job. It's just draining me. I've just let go of putting it out there for something amazing to come to me. Plenty of amazing looking jobs have come my way, I've applied, but they always find someone better suited, or more qualified. There is only so much searching you can do before you just stop caring, stop hoping, stop waiting and just be grateful that you have a job as it is. It's certainly not perfect, it barely pays the bills, but I have one, and some people don't.

I get a lot of "why don't you work for yourself?" which is a fair question, a lot of people fed up with working for others do tend to work better as their own boss. A lot of people ask that type of question when they find out I've been to art school, it's like "oh gee, why hadn't I thought about that before?!" Of course I have, there is a reason I don't, and it's that I hate kissing ass. As an artist, unless you're naturally, and endearingly a genius recluse, no one cares. Making someone care about what you do is sort of the opposite of of a genius endearing talent. If you're not that, you're stuck kissing ass going to shows, letting people know about you - AKA all things I've never given a rats ass about doing. I create for the enjoyment of doing it, to express what I am not able to put into words. I'm often reluctant to sell (when I've had the opportunity) to others, unless I have visitation rights. I'm also so wishy-washy that, a month on I'll be so mortified that I made that I'll chuck it. Sometimes art is for that time and place, not for eternity. But I understand why people suggest these things, it's out of kindness and it's also a kind way of asking you to shut up and do something. But sometimes, if you're like me, you have done something, a lot of something, and eventually, you just stop caring.

Eventually, I'll have nothing to say about my life - employment-wise, right now it's the initial realization that this is it. Some people just live, they find moments of joy, but for the most part they just quietly live, expecting nothing more than what is  at this present moment. Letting go of expectations that are at best naively silly and and worst far flung dreams that you mirror from TV or books that aren't realistically possible. Not everyone can be lucky, not everyone's dreams come true. It's not a bad thing, it just is what it is. And sometimes letting go of what you want or have worked for is the only relief you can get, I feel like happiness might come after relief.

What Is the Point?

What is the point of...? is a question that I have been asking myself a lot of lately. I've recently let go of my YouTube channel for no other reason than, I was just bored or making them, and generally speaking, I'm not that good at making them, which makes it a pain to make them. So rather than keep asking myself "what is the point?" I cut one annoying question out of my life by taking the action to just stop making them. It feels great. 

That said, I still find myself thinking of things to talk about, or what I could talk about if I chose to make videos again ,but that doesn't even tempt me to start back up. I'm not saying making Youtube videos is never happening again, but I don't really plan on it in the near future. I'm really enjoying this shadow-like inward journey of asking "why bother?". It's extremely care free.

More than just removing myself and the videos I made from You Tube, and asking "what's the point of it all?" I've been applying this question to my own practice. I think it should be pretty obvious to check-in with yourself and see if what you are exposing yourself to/experimenting with/interacting with aligns with you. Or, if you're like me, you see something work for someone else so you take it on, and realize later that it doesn't really mesh. Despite being a pretty defiant person, and being really poor at consciously taking direction, I'm really good at unconsciously taking direction. I'm really good at taking on patterns of people I admire (both real and imaginary) and attempting to weave it into my own being; ultimately, I become a really bitter, irritated person, until I wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. 

This "realization" in mind (even though I fully know that I do this), I've been trying to come up with a list of things that I know I'm just not honestly interested or invested in when it comes to my practice: 

-I really don't like calling myself a witch (no reason, I just don't) 

-I'm not that into divination (I just don't see the point, unless you are using it as some sort of self development tool or last resort to some insight. Divination for shits and giggles, just seems pointless).

-Pentacles (again, no reason, I'm just not that into them as a symbol, tool yes, but again this one is a head scratcher, 'cause a symbol can also be a tool...) 

-I'm just not that into the divine Femanine or Masculine - this one I'm still exploring, but yeah I'm just not that into it in an intense way. What I'm trying to say is, I just don't care. 

-working with a group or a coven, I'm not even that into going to parties, and from what I've seen these things usually turn into regular things. 

-letting others know about what I believe. None. Of. Your. Business. (I guess this kinda ties in with me pulling down my videos haha...I realize I have a blog, but you'll notice that I don't really and won't get into the nitty-gritty of my beliefs) 

I guess before I look back on this and think "wow I was a bitter old cunt" I should talk about what I do believe in and what I am tuned into: 

-Being and working with my own intuition 

-Listening to others, and not listening to reply. I genuinely love hearing what others have to say and being inspired by it. I'm just learning to not glue it to what I do or what I'm about. Kind of like old quilting b's, you all work together to make a pretty blanket without using the same fabric as someone else. 

-Creating my own symbols and sigils while still learning and incorporating and working with the old ones 

-honouring my conceptions of divinity without naming them as male or female. 

I guess there is a point.