friends, it just was.
But I don't consider my friends a community or a tribe. For the most part, at least 1/4 of them don't know each other or have only met briefly in passing (or in two cases, 3 of us haven't met in person at all!). I've tried to find community online, but (this sounds bad) this takes a lot of effort. Either making videos or commenting, or taking photos, or facebook, or the whole mirad of ways that social media connects strangers. I hate feeling obliged to like, "heart" something, or say something. If it wasn't for the fact that I lived practically on another planet I wouldn't still have facebook, or instagram - I'd have twitter, as that's more amusement and I generally only follow people I don't know or people who make me laugh.
The whole idea of community or "finding your tribe" gives me a lot of anxiety because in the esoteric community there is this weird emphasis on it, and for me, because I'm still working on insecurity and "being OK with me". I've tried being a team player in a world that seems to love team sports; but I'm really just more of a "singles" tournament player.
I heard a quote by someone (when I heard it I nearly had an anxiety attack) that "the time of the lone wolf is over". I don't even know if I'd describe myself as a lone wolf, as I do have a wonderful partner, family and friends, what my issue tends to be is wanting to meet new people. Often times I don't actually consider the possible benefits of making new friends (...are there benefits?) or cementing connections. I wouldn't call myself prickly in social situations with new faces, but I wouldn't call myself welcoming either. All of this feels like it's constantly swirling in my head, because my partner is so social and enjoys making new connections with people. He is exceedingly confident and well adjusted, and I am exceedingly not confident and only mildly well adjusted. That said I'm not "oh woe is me about" the situation, just intrigued, at the heart of our relationship I guess you could say we enjoy challenging each other and have a genuine love for simple things and adventures (like actual adventures like travel and sleeping in the desert and camel riding, but also the quiet kinds too, like finding a new foot path near our house).
Obviously it's strange to try and sum up why you and someone else have chosen to be together and have a shared life, but lately our glaringly obvious differences really excite me and make me wonder how this handsome sun god creature has chosen someone like me. I wouldn't call it flattering either, because our relationship just happened, against every odd.